From July 25th when I got back from Toronto and a not so great race at Pan Am Games until race day at World champs (Aug 24th), I did everything I possibly could to prepare for my race. I have never been so focused in my life on something.
I didn’t work, I barely drank (and y’all know I love my wine!), my nutrition was on point, I was getting regular massage/physio/chiro, I was doing all my strength exercises and stretching, I was continuing working hard at the gym, my sleep schedule was great, and most importantly I was killing my WOs. 2 weeks before Worlds I had one of the best workouts of my life- 5 X mile- 4:59, 4:58, 4:55, 4:53, 4:51- faster then I had done only 4 of them in the spring before I raced PJ 10000m.
This was the fittest I had ever been in my life and I was feeling more confident then ever. My body and mind were great. I knew I was ready to kill my 10000m at World Champs. And I was so focused and determined. In my mind there was just no way that I wouldn’t run well….worst case scenario I would finish in 16th spot (what I was ranked). But I really wanted to finish in the top 12. And I felt ready to compete with the best in the World!
I flew to Jeju Island, South Korea on Aug. 13th to meet Team Canada for training camp. I adjusted well to the travel/time change and jet lag didn’t seem to affect me. My week there was lots of fun, getting to know everyone on the team, seeing the beautiful city and all my running and workouts were feeling good.
We flew to Beijing on Aug. 19th (5 days out from my race). Until then I had been going to sleep around 8:30pm every night and waking up at 6am—which was fine, but I knew I had to start trying to stay up later because my race was at 9pm. So the first night in Beijing I forced myself to stay up until 11pm. But instead of sleeping later in the morning- I was wide awake at 5am. And this was the trend for the rest of the nights leading up to my race. Sleeping about 6 hours a night, (I’m used to 9-10) and then not being able to nap in the afternoons.
I was feeling like a zombie already when I woke up 3 days before my race with a sore throat and congestion. Just great—I was sick again! I did my best to stay positive. It was just a cold, I was fine, I told myself. I have been sicker then this before and still raced well. I was good! I was fit and ready to have the race of my life. I just kept trying to tell myself positive things. The day before my race at breakfast, I was beginning to crumble… I was sitting there, feeling completely out of it, when Team Canada Head Distance Coach, Dave Scott-Thomas came over and asked me how I was feeling. Before words could come out of my mouth, tears started pouring out of my eyes. No, I was not okay, I told him… He was really awesome and said all the right things. Told me it was good to let it out and okay to feel this way. I needed to relax and chill – it would be okay. I felt a bit better after my little cry-fest, but still deep down I knew that I wasn’t feeling right.
On race day, I slept a bit better the night before and was actually feeling a bit better. I wasn’t super nervous and my confidence was coming back. I had worked my butt off this year and all that work was still there. A little lack of sleep and a cold wasn’t going to stop me! Making our way out of the call room and into the Bird’s Nest Stadium was one of the most surreal moments of my life; seeing the stadium from the tunnel filled with thousands of cheering people… it was so crazy. My stomach dropped and I felt like I was going to be sick, but it was still a really cool feeling! Once inside the stadium, doing my final strides, I was able to relax and focus.
When the gun went off my plan was always to run in the back of the pack until the pace dropped and then try to move up. I settled in at the back of the pack in about 18th-20th position in a somewhat comfortable pace (7778s). After one mile, I started to feel tired, which was weird cause this pace should have felt relaxed. I started to worry cause I knew if I was straining at this pace there would be no way I would be able to pick up the pace when I needed to. I tried to stay focused and just kept my head down and run with the pack. We went through 5km in about 16:10-16:13—pretty slow, and something that should have felt easy. When I ran my 10000m PB I split 15:50 and was feeling amazing. This was not the case today.
The pace either picked up a bit or I just started to slow down, but I just had NOTHING. My legs just weren’t moving. I tried to relax and just run the best I could. With 9 laps to go I wanted to drop out, but I knew I had to finish. Those last few miles were torturous as I felt absolutely terrible physically and mentally. When I crossed the line I was so relieved it was over (and thank god I didn’t get lapped.)
I finished 23rd (second to last) in a time of 32:59. There were no tears like at Pan Am Games. I think I was just in complete shock. Did that really just happen? In my mind leading up to this race, there was no possibility of me not running well. When I got back to the Team Canada warm up tent a few minutes later, teammates, coaches and IST were all so supportive and kind, with lots of hugs. I just sort of shrugged my shoulders and said “Well, it is what it is. I just didn’t have it today”. But still no tears or no real sadness or anger. Just kinda like, “Well that really sucked but there was nothing more I could have done.”
However, the next afternoon, the reality of my race started to set in. There really weren’t any words I could use to describe how I was feeling so I was silent on social media. My friends and family back home didn’t know what to say cause they knew I would be devastated. Basically my heart just hurt and I felt too upset/confused to even cry. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about my race cause I didn’t really understand myself what really went wrong. And everyone kept asking me what happened. I DIDN’T KNOW. Was it the lack of sleep and the cold I got? I was tougher than that, I thought. I was so ready to smash that race- so what the heck went so wrong?
During this last month I have spent many many days and nights thinking about my race at World Champs. There have been many tears. The worst part is feeling like I let down my friends, family and my coach. I spent so much time this summer being selfish with my running; I missed out on a lot of time with friends and family so that I would train and compete. When I raced badly (for the 2nd time this summer), it was like it was all for nothing. Coach Rich put so much time and effort into my training this year… he really believed I would run well at the Worlds. Seeing him when I got home, knowing how much I disappointed him was heartbreaking. I do know he is still proud of me, but still I know I let him down.
When it comes to the reason of why I raced poorly at the Worlds, well, to be honest I’m still not sure. Maybe I was just overwhelmed with being at such a huge race. I know I have spent pretty much my entire life racing, but never at this level on the track. I was a baby when it came to international 10,000m track competition. I still have a lot to learn.
Maybe I dropped too much weight and lost some of my strength. I was at my “ideal” race weight—102lbs and 11% body fat (down from 107lbs and 14% in the fall), and feeling very fit. (BTW, I got that small in a healthy way, before haters start saying I wasn’t eating right!) But maybe this was too little for me. Trying to find the right balance of being just the right size in my sport is very stressful!
Maybe the sickness and lack of sleep really did zap me of all my energy, but I’m not gonna use this as any sort of excuse.
Or maybe, just maybe, IT JUST WASN’T MY DAY. Every athlete I know has an off-race, for no real reason other then bad luck. I wasn’t the only person that had a bad race at the World Champs. It happens to all of us. Though, it’s pretty unfortunate when your off-day happens to be the biggest race of your life.
Lot’s of maybes, but really there is no reason/excuse. All I can do is put it in the past and move forward to next year. Yes, my race at World Champs sucked, but it was just one race in a season filled with great races. I have come so far this year! Last August I was still suffering with Plantar Fasciitis, barely able to run and in my 4th week of prolotherapy. If you had asked me then if I would be racing at the World Championships this summer I would have told you that you were crazy.
So instead of moping around and being disappointed with myself about the race, I’m going to be proud of myself for being there at all. It really was an amazing experience being at the World Track an Field Championships! I met so many fantastic people, made some pretty awesome friends, travelled to a very cool city and got to race the best 10,000m runners in the world.
Natasha Wodak
Sponsored Athlete
Innovative Fitness Kitsilano
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